Hot flashes and panic attacks...

This past Thursday I woke at 2:00 am in the midst of a simultaneous and totally self-induced hot flash and panic attack. I am a menopausal woman in my mid fifties so the hot flash was really nothing new. The addition of the panic attack, however, made things more interesting. That day, in spite of the fact that current wisdom says cut back, trim your spending, hoard cash, don't incur credit card debt, I had signed up for what I perceived to be my last chance to lose the excess weight I've been carrying around for the past 25 or 30 years ("baby weight" really, leftover from having 2 children in quick succession in my late twenties). As I lay in bed for the rest of the night, unable to go back to sleep, I pondered the wisdom of my choice to add $800+ dollars to my credit card debt in an attempt to shed my "excess baggage."

I am freaked out about the debt. I am more freaked out about being manipulated by yet another weight loss sleight of hand. I've tried all of the other magic formulas to lose weight - fen-phen (which worked until I learned that there was a good chance I could have a heart attack and die), Jenny Craig, Atkins, Weight Watchers, etc. and often combined them with regular workouts. This company doesn't get you to buy food or supplements; this one is all about focusing on glycemic index and tailoring an eating plan for me based on an analysis of my blood. I'll meet with a counsellor once a week to monitor my progress as I lose phenomenal amounts of weight each week. After all, "it's not my fault I can't lose the weight; it's my metabolism's." Sounds good doesn't it? But at 2 am, all I could think about was the money and the fact that if Oprah can't successfully keep the pounds off with her personal chef, personal trainer and personal doctor, what kind of fool was I?

I still had the chance to cancel the contract - any time up to 5 days from the original date of signing, as long as I didn't go for my blood test. I waited as long as I could then called one of my daughters for a reality check. Should I do this or shouldn't I? She suggested a viable and much less costly alternative might be to keep a food journal and monitor my eating that way. I hate keeping a food journal. If you're honest, you have to own up to all the crap you're putting into your body. If you're not honest, what's the point?

I've gone ahead with the plan. I've started this blog in lieu of the food journal although, in Bridget Jones style, I plan to share my failures and frustrations as well as my successes (hopefully I'll have some). I'd love to hear from you if you can relate at all to my experiences.